


Dedicated to the Ones I Love

by jhsluvs



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, As in the beverage, Developing Relationship, I'm sorry Minghao, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Lots of mentions of tea, M/M, Mentioned Kim Mingyu, Minghao is Sad, Not Beta Read, The soulmate concept is a bit vague, implied soulmates, past gyuhao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:47:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25502365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhsluvs/pseuds/jhsluvs
Summary: Minghao reflects on his past, but not enough to miss his present.
Relationships: Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Kim Mingyu/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Dedicated to the Ones I Love

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this for the gyuhao I'm sorry in advance.
> 
> Inspired by the song 'Dedicated to the One I Love' by Mamas and Papas (mostly just the title though)
> 
> This was written all in one sitting and read over a few times so please try to overlook any typos I missed

There are few things Minghao can’t seem to admit to himself.

He gazes out the window at the darkening sky, pondering as his fingers curl around the edge of the curtain.

He’d never been much of a fan of the dark.

It reminded him of loneliness and the bitter coffees he could never develop a taste for. It made him dwell upon the fears tucked so deeply into his reverie that he’d nearly forgotten they’d existed. Nearly.

He sighs, dropping his hand from the thin fabric and leaving the curtains drawn. The outdoors had been his only source of light for longer than he could remember. If the sun rose in the morning and set at night, so would he. But things change. The star stayed on its path, traveling across his sky each day until its depart as it always had, leaving streaks of colors he wished he could see without _him_. Even without his true vision he’d watch the display each evening, imagining how the colors would rightfully paint the empyrean.

He was a creature of habit, of course, he’d seen more ashen evenings than he believes he could ever count. And after each one he leaves the curtains drawn, feeling a familiar chill set into his spine as he glances out the window and fails to find a star. In a way, the sun was the only one he had left.

The dark reminded him of everything he wished he could forget.

But he couldn’t let himself escape it.

His bare feet felt cold against the tile as they carried him to the ground floor. He’d taken the same route so many times, doing the same things the same way, that he didn’t need to think about it anymore. He lived life on auto-pilot, each day bled into the next until he’d lost count of where he stood in the world. But he didn’t mind, continuity was always a good distraction for him.

He struggles to face his past. 

It hurts to think about the things that hurt him, the _people_ who hurt him, even when they didn’t mean to. It’s worse when he knows they didn’t mean to. Malicious intent feels strangely more comforting than knowing someone he’d loved, someone who’d loved him, could damage him so terribly without even knowing. Without having any control over it.

He thinks about _him_ sometimes.

Thoughts of _him_ cloud his mind every time he takes a moment to let himself breathe. He wished he could think of him under better circumstances, maybe during better times. Maybe he’ll be able to once he fully heals, whenever that may be, but it’s been years without him and his memories continue to be most vivid when darkness creeps up on him, sweeping him up and swallowing him whole. 

Meeting him set his world ablaze. _Almost_ literally. At the time they were both sixteen. He was tall and capable, towering over him by a few inches. He was beautiful and made everything around him agree, he had that kind of effect on things. Most importantly he was warm. Everything about him was.

He was kind and comforting, constantly unable to put himself before others. A single glance at his smile sent beams of light through his heart that he knew he’d never be able to remove. That held true even without him, though now it seemed more like a form of torture than it should.

When he was around it felt like the greatest feeling on earth. It felt like a warm embrace and the smell of cinnamon. It felt like it was trying to make up for its sixteen years of absence each time he felt his presence. And it did. Sometimes he thinks he’d give anything to feel that sensation again.

But he couldn’t.

He was gone.

And the pillars in his heart were a constant reminder of that.

They were eighteen when he left. And though _left_ wasn’t quite the right word for it, Minghao couldn’t bring himself to face the reality of his ‘departure’. To this day he wishes he’d put himself first for once, maybe if he had he’d still be around. He shook the thought away, gripping the dainty teacup in his hand so tightly he thought it would shatter in his grasp. He inhaled, relaxing his hold and pouring boiled water into the chalice as he let his breath escape him. 

Mingyu always liked tea.

He liked tea and the stars and photographing the celestial bodies that used to dance across the sky. He’d paint his favorite views and Minghao would watch him with a smile, knowing he was doing exactly what he loved. And when he’d momentarily lose his focus he’d glance up at him and smile, sending an indescribable flood of emotion through him that he knows he’ll probably never feel again. He used to wish there was anything in his world that could fill the hole that whittled itself into his heart the moment he knew he wasn’t around anymore. There wasn’t, he knew there wasn’t, but he’d always been a dreamer.

In his dreams he can’t remember the moment he realized he was gone. He can’t remember the way his blood ran cold or how the color faded from his vision as the love of his life took his final breaths without him. When he’s fast asleep thoughts of _them_ couldn’t terrorize him like they did when he was awake, at least not in the same way. In his dreams he thought about the good things, their first meetings and first affirmations of love, the things they dreamed of recounting on their wedding day and for the rest of their lives. In his dream world he’s still with him, and he vowed that it’d never be any different. 

Being awake reminds him that he’ll never experience that.

He tries hard not to focus on the way his spoon scraped against the bottom of the cup. The sound was familiar, painfully so. It reminded him of everything he never wanted to think about again. It was hypnotizing, horrid, so painfully awful that it made him never want to make the drink again. 

He brought the porcelain cup to his lips, fighting a cringe as the warm elixir ran down his throat.

He loved him, he always would. He made him love the stars and taught him to appreciate things he could never find beauty in.

Yet no matter how hard he tried.

He couldn’t find a love for tea.

He felt himself shiver, the beverage was one of the closest feelings to his warmth. That always held true before and after him and he hated it. He hated the way it tasted and hated the way it made his chest feel warm but not warm enough. Not as warm as _he_ did. 

But _he_ loved it. He loved it and his father loved it and Minghao wanted to love it too, even if not for the same reason.

_“I just can’t Gyu, it’s disgusting.” He stared down at the drink, idly stirring the liquid and analyzing the sound his spoon made against the bottom of the cup._

_“It’s disgusting because you let it get cold, Haohao.”_

_“It was disgusting while it was hot, that’s why I let it get cold.” Mingyu chuckled, making his way over to him and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He rested his chin on the crown of his head, swaying the two of them gently as he held him._

_“If you hate it so much why’d you have me make you a cup?” Minghao tilted his head back to meet his eye, giggling as he accepted a soft peck to the bridge of his nose._

_“Because you love it. If you love it I can learn to, it just might take a while.” The boy bit back a smile, pressing another kiss to his temple this time before moving his hands to his shoulders._

_“You don’t have to learn to love something just because I do.”_

_“But I want to,” he looked up at him again, feeling his heart swell as he glanced at his upside down smile. Mingyu brushed his bangs from his eyes, gently cupping his cheeks as he met his starry-eyed gaze._

_“If you absolutely must,” his gaze wandered to his lips, “Think of me when you drink it.” He tilted his chin back, softly pressing their lips together. A short moment later they parted, staring adoringly into each other’s eyes, “Maybe that’ll help.”_

And it did.

He thought of him with each sip he took for years after that. To this day that moment replayed in his mind every single time because it worked. It made the taste of the bland beverage more bearable than it had ever been.

But now that he was gone he couldn’t quite say the same. It may taste better but no amount of tea could wash away the bitter reminder that he’d never feel his embrace again. His warmth was forever gone from his life and the beverage was all he left behind. 

He sighed as his palm rested against the side of his cup, it’d gone cold. Everything in his life had gone cold since he left, returning to the way it was before him. Sometimes he wondered how the universe could be so cruel to him. He wondered how he was given two years to thaw a frigid heart, just to let it freeze over once again right after. He’d gotten all he’d ever wanted and only had it with him for two years, what could he have done to deserve such a wicked punishment?

The sound of the cup hitting the sink brought him back to his senses. No amount of attachment could make him finish cold tea. 

He felt himself shiver, sometimes he almost couldn't bear the cold. He pulls the sleeves of his sweatshirt over his hands, willing himself to retain _some_ warmth.

And for once it reminds him of someone else. Someone that _wasn’t_ Mingyu. 

He met him a year ago. He was different from _him,_ different from anyone he thinks he’s ever known. 

He was only a few months younger than him, bright and charming as ever. He wasn’t quite as warm as _he’d_ been. Instead he was fresh, cool as a summer’s breeze, everything about him was exquisite.

Vernon made him face his biggest fears. He thought of it as his feet carried him back to his darkened room.

It took him a bit longer to warm up to him. Even after years of being without _him_ he couldn’t bring himself to try again. Finding love was completely off the table for Minghao.

So the universe brought the love to him.

Their first meeting flew way under his radar, as did the second and the third. But all it took was four meetings and a world toppling smile to make the first chip in his icy heart.

He was unique and soft and absolutely radiant. He was fun loving and had these endearing little habits that he’d find himself thinking about when he should’ve been fast asleep. 

He wasn’t perfect, neither of them were. Sometimes they’d hurt each other without meaning to, and for a while it happened too often.

But sometimes they wouldn’t.

Sometimes Vernon would let him cry on his shoulder when everything got to be too much for him and tell him that everything would be okay. He’d take him on adventures and they’d learn each other’s interests and learn to love each other for who they were and not who they were _meant_ to be.

Vernon made him face his biggest fear of all.

There was nothing that scared him more than falling in love again.

But the feeling of his warm hoodie engulfing him and his fresh piney scent reminded him that he wasn’t alone.

He could face those fears as long as he was by his side.

  
  
  


A knock on his window pulled him from his thoughts. He felt the corners of his lips curl, breaking into a full smile as he opened it.

“Hi.”

Vernon smiled at him. The same dazzling smile that began to thaw his heart all those months ago.

“Hi.” 

And for the first time in what felt like months, he felt colorful.

_Their_ world was vibrant. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ...
> 
> I hope you enjoyed !! Here's my twitter and my cc :)
> 
> [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/voringchan)
> 
> [Curious Cat!](https://curiouscat.qa/voringchan)


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